The Girl And The Dog

A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".

The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"

Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:

"Brave American saves life of little girl" the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" - says the man. Oh, what are you then?"

The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"

The next day the newspapers say: "Extremist kills innocent American dog"

(This is supposed to be treated as a joke, and pardon me if it has caused offense to anyone..)

Try And Crack The Moral To This Story

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but die instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

If you can't find a moral to this story....then read on

During the first two times, the conductor acted like a bad conductor and hence the electricity was not able to pass through him.

But however during the third time, he behaved like a good conductor and hence the electricity passed through him quickly thereby killing him instantly!

Duh !

11th Sept - India

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Hey, isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"

The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning on World War III"

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

(This is supposed to be treated as a joke, and pardon me if it has caused offense to anyone..)

11th Sept - Pakistan

Musharraf calls President Bush on 11th Sept and says - Mr President, I would like to express my deep condolences to you. This is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings and so much loss... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..

Bush says what buildings? What people??

Musharraf responds.... Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush says it's about eight in the morning...

Musharraf curses and says oops...will call back in an hour!

 (This is supposed to be treated as a joke, and pardon me if it has caused offense to anyone..)

11th Sept - China

The Prime Minister of The People Republic Of China called on President Bush to console him after the dastardly attack on the Pentagon.........

"I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. However, should you need copies or you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."

 (This is supposed to be treated as a joke, and pardon me if it has caused offense to anyone..)

The Arab And The Genie

An Arab had just spent many days crossing the desert without water.

His camel had died of thirst and he was crawling through the sands, certain that the end was close when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie...

But this apparently is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a sport coat with a dog-eared little book in the breast pocket with a blue cover and has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a used car salesman!"

"What have you got to lose?”

"You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!”

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems."

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish that no matter where I go, a beautiful woman will want and need me." ***POOF*** He's turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story?

If a used car salesman offers you anything at no cost, there's always going to be a string attached somewhere!

The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so Pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.


The moral of the story is....that being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery...
So be yourself and enjoy... Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

The Importance Of Laughter

The most powerful thing we’re given is our ability to laugh. It’s our greatest gift, especially if we can “laugh at ourselves” and not take ourselves so seriously

When you make fun of what frightens you, you get a mastery over it and gain control.

So go ahead, act silly. Let yourself act silly and share it. Laughter is contagious So, when you’re happy and you’re laughing it rubs off on people as everyone has a sense of humor, although few use it to the maximum

When you throw your head back and laugh, you’re not thinking of anything else. Laughter is the best thing you can do for your health. So, the old saying that 'laughter is the best medicine' definitely appears to be true. So, go ahead and just appreciate the importance of laughter.

It's a beautiful spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's got on a close-fitting, low-cut, summer dress with spaghetti straps. As they walk thru the ape exhibit, and pass in front of a very large gorilla which goes ape.

He jumps up on the bars, he grunts, he pounds his chest. He is obviously excited at the sight of the young lady in the sundress. The husband, noticing the ape’s excitement, suggests that his wife tease the ape.

The husband suggests that she pucker her lips and wiggle her bottom.... She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead...

Then her husband suggests that she let one of the straps of her dress slips down....She does and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear down the bars....

Her husband suggests she lift her dress up her thighs and she does. This about drives Mr. Gorilla crazy....

Then quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, flings her inside with the gorilla, slams the door shut and gleefully rubbing his hands together says...... Now, tell him you have a headache.

Marital Humor

A mother had 3 daughters.

They were all getting married within a short time period. The mother was a bit worried on how they were going to cope with sex.. as they never had it before... So, she made them all promise to send her a postcard with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!

Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said.. Good till the last drop.

Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans"

Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"

Mum took out some of her latest magazines, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.

The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

The mother fainted...

Erections And Raisins

A bakery owner hires a young sexy blonde who liked to wear very short sexy skirts and thong panties, not to mention braless tops that showed of her big boobs.

One day a young man comes into the store, glances at the sexy girl and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the sexy girl was a blonde, and that the length of her skirt [or lack thereof] and the location of the raisin bread ... on the very top shelf ... he politely says to the hottie, "I'd like some raisin bread, please."

She climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, providing the young man with an excellent view of the thongs and the tits, just as he surmised she would. When the blonde comes down the ladder, he says he really should get two loaves as he is having company for dinner.

As the sexy woman retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he orders a loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the sexy blonde seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread just to watch the young sexy woman climb up and down.

After many trips, the blonde is tired, irritated and thinking she is really going to have to try the raisin bread herself. Once again she is up the ladder retrieving a loaf of raisin bread for another male customer. She stops and fumes, glaring at the men below. She notices an elderly man standing among the crowd of males looking up at her who hasn't placed an order yet.

Thinking to save herself another trip up and down the ladder, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin, too?" "No," croaked the old man, "but it's a quiverin'..."

Always Keep Your Condoms In Your Car

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful and sexy younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, a regular hottie who wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.

Welcome to the family."


The moral of the story.....

Always keep your condoms in your car !