Nothing Llike A Blonde Scorned

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

On the second day she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table.

Lit the candles, put on some soft background music and feasted on a lb of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She cleaned up the kitchen and left

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly the house began to smell.......

They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and the carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days.

Nothing worked......

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repair men refused to work in the house...

The maid quit...

Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move..

A month later, even though they cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually the local realitors refused to take their calls.

Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife [the blonde] called her x husband, and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house...

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back !!!

Knowing his wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.....

The blonde agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paper work.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smilimg as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

Moral of the story...

Be extremly careful with blondes.... !!

Career Decision Made Easy

Two managers are heatedly discussing on how to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane. They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.

In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water. As agreed, one of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.

Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..." Jane responds..... Well..... Jack off ! I've got a headache.

Business Ethics

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said: "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the a*s*hole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the a*s*hole being the Boss.

So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the a*s*hole should be the boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!



Q: What can we learn from this?
A: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any a*s*hole will do.