The Skeleton

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts.

Similarities Between Osama And Crabs

What do Osama bin Laden and crabs have in common?

They both irritate Bush.

Gonorrhea Or Diarrhoea

When a man died, his wife put the usual death notice in the newspapar but added that he died of gonorrhoea. No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend called and compalined bitterly, "You know he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day, so of course I know he died of diarrhoea. But I thought it would be better to remember him as a great lover than the big shit he always was."

Grateful Dead - Touch of Grey

Grateful Dead - Touch of Grey music video

Never got to see the Dead Live.......Long live the Dead!

Bullshit And Ambition

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.

Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.



Q: What can we learn from this?
A: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

A Dead Horse - Real-Life Reflections On Business Strategy

During your MBA course, you probably learned that when you discover your company is riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount as quickly as possible.

However, in real-life business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead."
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

The three corpses

Three smiling corpses are lying in a morgue in Arkansas, and a detective goes into the coroner's to find the causes of death.

The coroner points to the first dead man.

"This is Cletus," he says. "He died of shock after winning 20 million on the lottery."

He then moves on to the second smiling corpse. "This is Bo," the coroner says with a grin. "He died while doing 'it' with Trudy-May."

Finally he moves on to the last smiling corpse. "This is Roscoe," says the coroner. "He died after being struck by lightning."

"Well," asks the detective, "Why in hell was the fool smiling?"

"Oh," says the coroner. "He thought he was having his picture taken."