Who Said Blondes Were Dumb

A lawyer and a sexy blonde with huge boobs, are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.

Curiosity gets the better of the lawyer and asks the blonde with sexy legs and huge tits about her profession. The hottie tells him that she is a model

Satisfied, the lawyer introduces himself and asks the hot blonde whether she would like to play a fun game.

The sexy model just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa."

Again, the blonde model politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what is the answer!?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Now, who said blondes were dumb !

Big Shit No Chief

There was this chief somewhere in the dark continent... and he was constipated....

Aftr the 1st day, he send a runner to go get his personal medicine man...

The medicine man asked the runner..what the problems was... he says...

"Big Chief, No Sh*t"...

So he send the Chief some local laxatives and told the runner to tell the chief to take 2 pills...

Unfortunately there was no improvement in the chief's condition... so he send the runner again to the medicine man...

This time he told the runner to tell the chief to take 4 pills...

Again there was no improvement and the chief had problem cr*ppin...

Nextday, he screamed at the runner and said .. if there is no improvement by tomorrow, both you and the medicine man would be tomorrow's supper..

The runner, scared stiff explained this to the doctor..

The Doctor calmly advised him to tell the chief to take 8 pills, knowing the strength of the pills..

The runner on the way thought, instead of the 8 pills, what if the Chief took the entire bottle... this way, there would be adefinite result and he could surely save his head..

So he advised the chief.. to consume the entire bottle..

Next day, the runner came running faster than usual to the medicine man....

When asked about the problemm...he couldn't speak... finally when he came to..

He says... "Big Sh*t No Chief"....

The Two Nuns

There were two nuns.

One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).

It was getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It’s logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It’s not working!

SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank the lord you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me....

SM: What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up....

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants....

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........


And those of you who thought it would be dirty, Pray for forgiveness.

Vodka And Sermon

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the $$=+ out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)What Jesus said at the last supper was "take this bread and eat it for it's my body." He did not say.. Eat me

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's....

Your First Time

It's your first time.

As you lie back..you feel your muscles tighten.

You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.

You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.

He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.

He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist.

After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled out

For those of you who had sex and orgasm in their minds - shame on you !!

Don't worry your time will come !

A word of thanks for asking to put in a few words on Dentists and adultery

Cyber-sex-lay-about-and-nerdo-well

It is estimated that 75 percent of Japanese women own vibrators.

The global average is only 47 percent

Perhaps this may be due to the influence of electronics in their society... it is also believed that the next generation of japanese vibrators.."comes" with a robot !

The maximum depth at which vaginal stimulation occurs is only 2"

This makes it all the more funny, when women complain about being shagged, sorry that is when they complain that they have a headache when asked for sex !

A female orgasm is a powerfull painkiller [because of the release of endorfines], so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex... Women must be educated on this aspect !

It is believed that one in three men, cheats on his partner, as opposed to one in four women. However it is sad that only 28% of female cheaters get caught, while you don't want to know the male side... it may make you cry !

By the way... a "cyber-sex-lay-about-and-neer-do-well" is a person who reads sex trivia pages on the Internet...

So thanks for asking to comment on this subject........

Nothing Llike A Blonde Scorned

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

On the second day she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table.

Lit the candles, put on some soft background music and feasted on a lb of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She cleaned up the kitchen and left

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly the house began to smell.......

They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and the carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days.

Nothing worked......

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repair men refused to work in the house...

The maid quit...

Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move..

A month later, even though they cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually the local realitors refused to take their calls.

Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife [the blonde] called her x husband, and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house...

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back !!!

Knowing his wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10 what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.....

The blonde agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paper work.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smilimg as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

Moral of the story...

Be extremly careful with blondes.... !!