Career Decision Made Easy

Two managers are heatedly discussing on how to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane. They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.

In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water. As agreed, one of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.

Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..." Jane responds..... Well..... Jack off ! I've got a headache.

Business Ethics

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said: "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the a*s*hole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the a*s*hole being the Boss.

So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the a*s*hole should be the boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!



Q: What can we learn from this?
A: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any a*s*hole will do.

The Skeleton

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts.

Similarities Between Osama And Crabs

What do Osama bin Laden and crabs have in common?

They both irritate Bush.

Gonorrhea Or Diarrhoea

When a man died, his wife put the usual death notice in the newspapar but added that he died of gonorrhoea. No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend called and compalined bitterly, "You know he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day, so of course I know he died of diarrhoea. But I thought it would be better to remember him as a great lover than the big shit he always was."

Grateful Dead - Touch of Grey

Grateful Dead - Touch of Grey music video

Never got to see the Dead Live.......Long live the Dead!

Bullshit And Ambition

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.

Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.



Q: What can we learn from this?
A: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.